Sunday, 19 November 2017

I made a mistake.


Location : Fall Trace. 

I've had a bit of a roller-coaster weekend, emotions wise, and needed a familiar release... so although yes! This is a blog post! I'm not officially back. Or maybe I am. I'm still not sure.

I feel like as with most things, I may have rushed in. It's always weird to me how things can appear wonderful from the outside, without too much thought, but the second that a link is broken you're suddenly capable of seeing all the flaws, all the red flags... and upon meticulous dissection of conversations and situations, you're left with a feeling of "Oh shit. I fell for that again, didn't I?".

I am the very first to admit that I'm less than perfect. You want to insult me? Go ahead. There's no freaking way you can insult me more than I insult myself. As with many people, I have a myriad of issues with regards to mental health, and one of them is Borderline Personality Disorder. 
I tell people not because I'm worried about doing them harm. I'm not evil or malicious. Neither am I a liar or a manipulator. I do however defend myself and my thoughts rather rigidly, and once I've come to a decision (and no doubt ranted through all my options with some very patient friends), I will probably (maybe) listen to your perspective, decide I've already considered this (which I will have, and about 12 other points of view), and go along and do my own thing anyway. I'm kind of a bitch like that.

I tell people about my BPD in the hopes that they will actually do some research and/or take the time to understand me and my thought patterns. I'm learning that the people I don't want in my life make no effort to understand me. I'm pretty set in my ways. I'm terrifyingly introverted (although noisy af... it's a thing.), and I am undoubtedly scared to death of being abandoned (among other things, of course).

I have also come to terms with the fact that my BPD means I'm a target for a certain personality type. I'm pretty sure we've all been in a relationship that has made us feel uncomfortable, that has given us the "Bad Gut" feels, which we may have ignored for a little too long, or forgiven for a few weeks/months or years longer than we should have...
But what happens when your gut doesn't do it's job? The gaping emptiness, the broken promises, and then the ultimate betrayal of being blamed for being you dig yet another hole of insecurity into your heart, and you find yourself thinking "If I keep doing this, I'm going to lose myself completely".

This seems like a depressing post... and I apologize... but it's not really depressing, is it? It's a learning curve. It may be that an emotional weekend has caused me to re-evaluate myself and my actions, but ultimately;

Hi. I'm Pickle. And I'm still here bitches.

All of the things :

Body: -Belleza- Freya 
Skin : Essences - Anya @ Kustom9
Head : CATWA Lona
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier : -SU!-Delora Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)
Ears : ^^Swallow^^  Rox Ears 
Nose piercing : [VEX] Double Crossed Nosering
Hair : Tableau Vivant \\ Cindy Kustom9
Necklace : Amala - The Genevieve Necklace Kustom9
Shirt : {le fil casse} Allison Top for Luxe Box October




Thursday, 2 November 2017

I'll be back!


I've decided to take a little break. 
I'll be gone about a month, and will be back by December 2nd.
Thank you to all sponsors & readers for your continued support!

See you soon! <3

Monday, 30 October 2017

Ghost Town.


Pose : Left - *!R.O!* Dark Magic (includes book prop.)
Right - [The Emporium] A. Conjure Static Pose (Included with Candles, info below.)

Location : Daddy's Secret Garden (Haunted Maze area.)

Added Props : [The Emporium] Floating Candle - Natural
Birdy - Altar set - Cauldron (Gacha)

Today I'm going to show a few hunt gifts and freebies. 
I may have been a little slow when it comes to taking part in the hunts, so if they no longer exist I apologize, it just seems like their aren't enough hours in the day sometimes. Perhaps that's what Pickle & Paloma are making a potion for above? 

Most Monday's I will do a Man-Pickle post, I have no excuse today, other than I seem to get wrapped up in Halloween far too late, and then have all these ideas buzzing around, so I'm sorry if a Man-Pickle post was expected! He'll be back next week though!

I think it's absolutely amazing that some of our talented SL creators are still willing to give out hunt gifts/group gifts and freebies. When I first started SL I would spend hours trailing the grid for some quality freebies, and with the introduction of the MadPea hunts & puzzles, Secondlife is becoming a far more immersive place to spend time as the users create these experiences for us. If you like MadPea, you could also check out the Bubble Productions Ride of Doom which is a bit similar, but more 'family friendly', so you can take your littles & teens along without worrying about scaring them silly. It's possible to do the ride within 1-2 hours, including the quest afterwards and it's all been lovingly created by family friendly creators, too!

I'm sure there are many, many more rides and haunted houses, and interactive areas available, but these two are definitely my favourites this year. Feel free to comment below with yours! <3


All the Pickle things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Skin & Eye Appliers: Insol: Lily skin GIFT 
Head : CATWA Catya
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Lipstick : #adored - widow walk lips - night terror edition (Former Gift @ Nightmare Event)
Ears :  ^^Swallow^^  Pixie Ears 
Earrings : KOKORO{<3}PEACHES - Nightmare Earring (Former Gift @ Nightmare Event)
Hat & Hair : /Wasabi Pills/ Malin 
Dress : EVANI - Halloween GIFT
Nails (Maitreya Only) : Go&See * Bloody * Nails @ Season of the witch
Hand Spider : * Stelloane Arachnophobia on your hand (Former Gift @ Nightmare Event)
Boots & Garters : Phedora ~ Harley Boots @ Kinky Event


All of the Paloma things : 

Left : Body & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Skin : Glam Affair - Maya - Catwa Mesh Head Applier (Gacha)
Head : CATWA Lona 
Eyes : Left - -SU!-Delora Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE (Gacha) @ N21
Right (including Spiders) - NOX. Arachnophobia (Former Gift @ Nightmare Event)
Eyeshadow : Bossie. glossy eyeshadows 
Mouth tattoo : [theSkinnery] Stitched Mouth (Hunt Gift For Once Upon a Nightmare)
Eyeball : [Cubic Cherry] {Nommy bulbs} (Former Gift @ Nightmare Event)
Ears : L'Etre Horn mesh ears
Hair : *barberyumyum*S07ghost
Collar : [sYs] GRIMM collar
Dress :  [sYs]  GRIMM dress 
Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system
Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The Bold One (Free Gift @ Astralia)
Rings : Kibitz -- Widow rings @ Kustom9
Scarification Tattoo : part of the CURELESS [+] Little Red Wolf / RARE LOOTBOX 
Shoes : Phedora ~ Spectra heels @ Once Upon A Time 


Sunday, 29 October 2017

All in good time.


Location (& Pose) : Fall Trace

I've been thinking about the word "Fall" a lot lately. Being English, I tend to mostly use the term "Autumn" in relation to the season, and it always amuses me that Americans tend to use the word "Fall". For me, when you fall it's probably bad. Falling equates to pain, as you can't really fall over without smacking something. I vividly remember the last time I fell over as a fully grown adult; I woke up desperately needing to pee (like you do), hopped fairly eagerly out of bed and promptly got a foot twisted in the opposite leg of my pajama bottoms. I'm sure I slow-mo'd all the way to the floor, arms whirling comically as I attempted to right myself before hitting my knee and forehead on the floor with what must have been a fairly resounding thud. I also whacked my elbow so badly I took a visit to the emergency room only to find out it was a simple sprain. It took weeks for me to get the full movement back in that arm. 

It leads me to ponder the term "Fall in love" too. I'm not sure I want to 'Fall' into love. I'd like to be fully aware i'm doing it. I want to relish every moment, to run headfirst, kicking and screaming into that feeling, not just trip and find myself there. Maybe I'm finally growing up.

Being the curious kitty I am, I ended up Googling the term "Fall" in relation to autumn, and found out this fun fact :

"city dwellers began to use the phrase “fall of the leaf” to refer to the third season of the year when trees lose their leaves. The word fall comes from the Old English word feallan which means “to fall or to die.” Over time, the phrase was shortened to fall."

I've never heard of the term "feallan" either. Thank you, Google.


All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Skin : Essences - Rachel @ Shiny Shabby
Head : CATWA Catya
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier :  Go & See * Hole * Catwa Eyes The Dark Style Fair
Hair & Scarf : /Wasabi Pills/ Aspen Mesh Hair
Sweater : .miss chelsea. Brea Sweater  @ Uber
Skirt : .miss chelsea. Brea Skirt @ Uber
Socks (Applier) : fri. - Cozy.Socks 
Shoes : Phedora ~ Sorcha Flats @ Uber


Saturday, 28 October 2017

Wake me up.


Location : Malal's Autumn

Bagels : *SL* Charlotte Bagels - Sweet Lies Box 1 COMMON (Gacha)

Today my eyeballs just won't stay open, I'm sure we've all been there!

One of the things I love about blogging is the fact that it pushes me into wandering around SL to find new places. I stumbled upon today's location simply by searching "autumn", and boy am I glad I did.
Like many of you, I'm a bit of a (woefully awful) gacha gobbler, and will happily throw bunches of L's into a machine in an attempt to get a bargain. A lot of the time I will curse myself for putting my pennies into the machine and not just checking marketplace, but the temptation is just too much for me. Anyhow, when I saw this bagel cart, I automatically associated it with coffee (which is a necessity) and breakfast, and with hopeful excitement, the thought of waking up. Pairing it with this gacha treasure of bagel bag and bagel, it made the perfect scene.

I wanted to go for a casual look today. I know it's coming up to Halloween (how could I miss that??), but autumn/fall is my favourite season, and reminds me of one of my favourite people now missing from SL.
I'm sure we all have someone we miss, and a memory of them we'll never forget, in SL and otherwise. Mine will always centre around her love of cats (fence sitter), anything remotely sparkly or with chimes, and the autumn and winter seasons. I remember laughing a lot, crying a lot, venting a TON and generally sitting and enjoying her company. We became terrible people together, and embraced that until we felt good again. Pulled together by a negative entity, and pushed away in a similar fashion. She was there for some of my lowest points, and losing her was definitely THE lowest point in my entire SL.
Wherever you are, old friend, I hope you're well.

Again I am reminded of how incredibly lucky I am to be surrounded by such bright beacons of light. 
There's a party later and I'm actually looking forward to it. 
Until then, here's some fashion stuff I like:


All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Skin : Essences - Rachel @ Shiny Shabby
Head : CATWA Catya
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier :  Go & See * Hole * Catwa Eyes The Dark Style Fair
Eyeshadow :  Veechi - Distress Shadow  @ N21
Lipstick : [PF] CATWA LIPSTICK - Pure Matte (Nudes)
Ears :  ^^Swallow^^  Pixie Ears 
Hair : .Entwined. Rose  @ Uber
Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo Mr. Hyde  The Mens Dept.
Choker : NS::  Halloween Necklace (Group Gift - Group is 100L to join)
Backpack : PHEDORA / Twinkle Bat Backpack (Group Gift for FMD - Group is 800L to join)
Sweater Dress : SPIRIT - Aqua sweater @ Uber
Socks & Boots : #EMPIRE - Edelweiss @ Uber


Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Conversate.


Poses : Left : FOXCITY. Stairs (Sitting)-4m

Right : FOXCITY. Milk Bath VOL2-4m

Background : anxiety %cellardoor

====
So, yesterday was the two year anniversary of me starting the Kaleidoscope blog.
Today, I decided that I'm going to try and use this as what it is. MY blog.
For a long time, I've avoided writing much here, purely because I have a tendency to blurt, rant, overthink and then hate everything I write and in reality, I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to read a bunch of Pickle nonsense. However - here we go. No doubt those who come for informative fashion advice will just scroll right past this and that's just peachy, you do you, Boo.
Today I wanted to introduce you properly to my alt, Paloma. She's been featuring fairly regularly here and I feel like she needs a name to her face!
I've never really had a problem with alts, unless they're shady. People I care about are aware of the fact I use alts (yes, multiples of) and why I chose to use them. For me, Paloma is my sanctuary, so opening up and sharing her with you is actually a big deal. (Also, how do you describe your alts? I mean, they're all me, so should I still refer to her as "Her" or "Me"? I'm going with "Her", because I'm "Me, Pickle" here. Now I'm even more confused, because I'm never not me...)
For a long time, I sat on my platform as Pickle, and didn't explore beyond the few 'regular' sims I'd very rarely visit. My SL had become more and more enclosed and it was difficult for me to branch out due to meeting the 'wrong' types of people and feeling trapped, bitter and jaded by the negative I'd experienced. 
Paloma has actually opened up a few doors for me. Thanks to the feeling of freedom I experienced on her, I've developed entirely new relationships with people I would never have found without that free feeling. I'm in a much happier SL place, and although I still have days where i'm "meh" about all the things, I also have more days where I'm more likely to be "Hey, it's almost like I fit here!" again. I'm involving myself in activities I never thought I'd try, and through those activities, i'm meeting even more new and wonderful people. I'm no longer wastefully spending my SL time standing like a statue  
I've even met a man that doesn't appear to be a complete dick (at the moment! I hope you read this, Jer!) and I'm so sickeningly contented, I sometimes annoy myself.

So what's the purpose of Paloma in terms of Kaleidoscope? Well, as I've been spending a little more time on her lately, I didn't want to forget about my passion for blogging. So I dress her up, and naturally want to show her off. Because of the freedom I feel being on her, she's become slightly more alternative than Pickle, and I feel like showing the products I love in a different way will only serve to benefit the readers/information seekers more. I hope you enjoy her, as much as I do!

Before I run off and squirrel about everything that has been rolling around in my head for - well, forever - , I want to thank you all for reading/checking out my blog up until now. I am genuinely, completely in awe of the support, likes, shares, positive words and constructive criticism that I have received. It is a piece of me. It is entirely mine. It is a place I have used continually to explore creativity, push my boundaries and explore who I am, and having others to share it with is beyond amazing. I will thoroughly encourage this to anyone who just wants to document the process of growing in ANY field. It's wonderful to look back and be able to see an improvement.

I never know how to stop writing once I start, but I guess you came here for goodies, so... here they are!


All of the Pickle things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Skin : Essences - Rachel @ Shiny Shabby
Head : CATWA Catya
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eyeshadow : Veechi - Toasted Liner  Uber
Blush : Veechi - Harvest Chill Blush  Uber
Hair : *Besom~ Kenadee *Browns* @ N21
Jacket : Stealthic x Toksik - 2. TKS Outfit (RARE) Epiphany
Bodysuit :_CandyDoll_ Mala Bodysuit Denim Epiphany
Shorts : _CandyDoll_ Mala Pants Black Epiphany
Boots : _CandyDoll_ Mala Boots High (RARE) Epiphany


All of the Paloma things :

 Body & Feet : -Belleza- Freya 
Skin : (Enfer Sombre*) Catwa Skin applier - Porcelain -  Izumi (1) (Gacha)  @ The Secret Hideout 
Head : CATWA Lona 
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes
Elf Ears : BentBox Sylvan Ears 
Eyeliner : . MILA . Princess of Darkness Makeup
Lipstick : In the Catwa hud!
Blush : :: MOMOCHUU :: Nanako blusher
Hairbase : .Tableau Vivant \\ Catwa HB2
Hair : Tableau Vivant \\ Braidy (curly) Epiphany  
Horns : .Olive. the Spooky Horns Epiphany  
Skull hands & Bow accessories : Astralia - Witches hair decor (9L Kustom9 GIFT)
Glasses : .random.Matter. - Rose Glasses @ N21
Feathers : .Aisling. Velasco
Bra : _CandyDoll_ Mala Star Bra Epiphany
Bodysuit : _CandyDoll_ Mala Bodysuit Fall Epiphany
Hands :  Slink Dynamic
Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system
Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The Bold One (Free Gift @ Astralia)
Shorts :  _CandyDoll_ Mala Pants Black Epiphany
Leg Tattoo : [ATI] Koi Love II...
Shoes : #EMPIRE - Bee Balm 


Monday, 23 October 2017

Do you remember?


Pose : <K&S> ~Leonard~ Poses 3, 1

Props : Fapple- The Traveler @  The Mens Dept.


All of the things : 

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body
Skin : *Birth* 'Hades' Catwa Scarred The Mens Dept.
Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 
Eyes : Go&See * Hurt * Catwa Eyes The Dark Style Fair 
Ears : [MANDALA]SIMPLE_EARS_HUTUU
Hair base : Stealthic - Male Hairbase 
Hair : Stealthic- Narcotic 
Tattoo : DAPPA - Genji Tattoo. @ The Man Cave 
Outfit : {COLD-ASH} Mens MESH DEAN Chinos &  HEMSWORTH Tucked Shirt 
Shoes : not so bad . mesh . DARIO shoes . blue leather