Thursday, 24 May 2018

Speak my mind.

Pose : KwK. poses dance-03-

Background : anxiety %eleven

I'm still reeling from the post I made about my daughter. It's been an emotional couple of days for me, but I feel oddly stronger because of it. I'm hoping that maybe having experienced an absolutely stunning amount of support that it might have changed something in my head. I always thought that if I told my story people wouldn't get it. That i'd be subjected to more abusive behaviour. I can't tell you how grateful I am for the outpouring of positivity you have all shown me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I can't think of anything I want to say more than thank you today, instead... keep scrolling down to find out where all the items in this picture are from. This is my celebratory dance btw. I'm not proud of my behaviour - don't get me wrong. I still wish my little' un was with me... but I am feeling good about the future and I hope you are, too.

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya 
Head : CATWA Magy
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier : LOTUS Heroic Eyes (Gacha) @ Pocket Gacha
Skin : Insol: Lona applier  A-Gacha @ Kustom9
Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 
Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa] 
Hair : Exile::Memory Bliss
Necklace : Kibitz - Mega lock necklace (Gacha)
Shirt : .miss chelsea. Jule Top @ N21
Nails : ~GD~Doll Anthem(Long Coffin) - Belleza BENTO Hands
Rings : Rings : (Yummy) Free Spirit Rings @ Collabor88
Watch : MINIMAL - FitWatch @ TMD
Pants :  .miss chelsea. Jule Sweats @ N21
Shoes : SHADOW [SEMLLER moon landers] @ TMD

Please click the song today... I think it might be my new anthem, and it may have inspired another rant from me at some point! :P

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

The balance of time.

Pose : *!R.O!* Attack BENTO Pose (Comes with Mesh Bats that I removed in favour of the potions)
Props : 
[V/W] Flamel's Potions The Fantasy Gacha Carnival

So after the big emotional rant from yesterday, let's dial it back with a little fantasy, yah?
Fantasy Gacha Carnival is still on! If you haven't been yet, you absolutely HAVE to go. Why? Because I'm being a bossy boots, and telling you to!
Even if you're not really about the RP and fantasy life, there are some wonderful "statement" pieces from the creators that you can incorporate into every-day looks to give them that little slice of glam.

I think my intention with this look was to try and pull off "Slightly Crazed Shaman."
Generally speaking, I feel I pull off slightly crazed without too much trouble. The Shaman part was the difficult bit! I've included a little video of the hand sparkles underneath, too. Although I've just shown one version, there are of course several options and the corset/modesty pad set comes in various colours too.

I hope you enjoy this look, as usual it's a fantastic honor for me to be a Fantasy Gacha Carnival blogger, and I adore the push it gives me to try things out of my comfort zone.
What new things are you going to try today?

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Skin (Head) : Not Found - Piper Skin Toffee (CATWA)
Skin (Body) : [theSkinnery] Belleza Body Applier (toffee)
Head : CATWA Magy
Hair : .Shi : Pixie Boy
Headpiece : [NC] - ULTRARARE AmazonQ - Head Crown The Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Necklace : [NC] - AmazonQ - Necklace The Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Tattoo : GHOST'Ink :: ATHYSS TATTOO :: Body Wild Blue The Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Corset & modesty cover : !dM Cassia - LARA leaveBody, !dM Cassia - LARA bodyTies, !dM Cassia - LARA modestyCover The Fantasy Gacha Carnival 
Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system
Hand Sparkles : d.Thicket - Forest Spirit Particles The Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The Bold One
Leg Wraps : #Empire - Ren @ We <3 RP

Hand Sparkles : d.Thicket - Forest Spirit Particles The Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Dance : Jana_14_Bento_Dance_MOVE!

Monday, 21 May 2018

Hold tight.

Pose : Animosity - Kiss Me ( Mommy/Baby) @ The Galleria

Background & Propstuffs : 

{moss&mink} Chloe crib @ Color me cute (Child event! Please go appropriately dressed!)
{moss&mink} Unicorn Party - Hanging Stars 1 GIFT
{moss&mink} Floor Cushion GIFT
Note : Moss&Mink are giving away TWO GUEST PASSES for the arcade early access, and also THREE MONTHS of access to the blogotex (that means all the releases during that time will be given away free!). All you need to do is join the group in world - you can do so at the landmark provided or click >Here< ... and don't forget to pick up the group gifts! There are more that aren't shown!

Items from *AR* - Shabby Princess Bedroom Set
Includes : *AR* - Dossel - Shabby Princess (Canopy - note, Moss&Mink will be releasing TWO canopy options that perfectly match the Chloe Crib @ the mainstore soon!)
*AR* - Shabby Friends' Bench (Small) - Shabby Princess
*AR* - Pegasus - Shabby Princess
*AR* - Crown - Shabby Princess

_CandyDoll_ Dolly Heart Rose Rug - Rezz

Set up inside the Trompe Loeil - Margaux Photo Backdrop + Surround

Today's post is going to get a bit real, and I'm already having a slight amount of anxiety about it, but I think it might lead to a greater understanding for people of me - and maybe other people out there like me. It's also going to pave the way for bitches to be petty, but you know what? Bring that shit on, because NOTHING can make me feel worse than what I'm going to explain.
I've briefly grazed over some of the issues I face daily, just with the way my brain works. These issues haven't just affected my life, my also the life of my daughter. 
While I took this picture I was absolutely overcome with emotion, my daughter doesn't live with me. She lives with my parents. She's not neglected - quite the opposite, but when she was eight years old I had to make a decision. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but one that I would make over again for her benefit.
So, I have agoraphobia, borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety. Where none of these 'issues' leave me wanting to do harm to myself, or others, it does mean there are days or weeks where I do feel unable to take care of myself. These issues began to heighten around the time my daughter started Primary School (around 5-6) and though she was always clean, fed, clothed, loved etc etc... she did start to miss School and other important appointments because I as a mother, couldn't give her what she needed. Help stepped in, and around the age of eight, I allowed her to go and live permanently with her Grandparents.
Part of me has always felt like I'd never be a good enough mother for her. When she was a baby that feeling was easy to ignore - everyone is overwhelmed when they have a baby, because all of a sudden you realize that baby is going to grow up into a person, and you're almost solely responsible for everything it takes to get them to be functional as a human. Once that thought has sunken in, there are trials that arise.. she needs a patch to correct a lazy eye (Thanks babydaddy), so you have to think up ways to make "being a pirate" cool, you spend weeks showing her a potty and getting her to do poopoo's and peepee's there, cleaning up when she has an accident in the bed at 3am. There's dentist appointments, doctors, and then playschools and nurserys, and mothers groups and filling their days with activities - along with all the things you both need to survive. Cleaning the house, making sure there's food in the cupboard, general Adulting that comes so easy to most.
When I made the decision to allow my parents to take over, I thought it would be temporary. After a few months, it became obvious that my issues weren't going to just go away... and surprise! I'm still stuck in the same rut - probably worse if I'm being honest with myself - and she's just turned 15. My parents have all the rights I have as a mother, they make her decisions (of course, I'm included. There are still meetings and phone calls and appointments I can sit in on). It's since been discovered that she has autism, and because of that her behaviour can be challenging. Sometimes, I don't see her as much as I should because I am unable to leave the house - and that's NOT OKAY... but we speak often over the phone, and although I don't have the normal "Mother/Daughter" relationship with her, I think she knows without a doubt that she is loved.
When she was 14, just before her 15th birthday, she called me, her voice was excited as she walked home from the local park.
"Mum, mum! I kissed a boy today."
I don't know if I ever told my mother that. 
Every day I wake up to the fact that I am not a good enough mother to be a Mum to my own child.
Every time the phone rings, I am scared that it is my daughter or my parents, that something bad has happened and I'm unable to be there directly.
There have been times within SL where I have mentioned my situation to people, and as soon as their loyalties have switched, or I am no longer of use to them, they have thrown the fact that my daughter doesn't live with me in my face, that's nothing compared to the reality of that cold, hard fact. Let me just tell you, for many people who willingly "give their child up" to put in someone else's care, it's not about the adult. It's about the child. I could not care for her the way she deserved. Now she is with my parents an entire world of opportunity has opened up for her... She can play instruments. She goes to multiple out-of school activities that I would never be able to keep up with. She is getting the help and support she needs to be able to deal with her Autism. Her prescription glasses are always up to date, because she's being taken to all the appointments on time, etc etc. She is loved. She is cared for. She is her own person. The only... ONLY regret I have is that I am not there for it all, but I am watching. I am cheering her on, and I will never, ever stop being the person who carried her for 9 months in my belly, she will ALWAYS be my baby, and I will ALWAYS be available to her, just not in the conventional way.

I'm not sure if there's a point here, other than to keep on keeping on, the best way you know how.

Most of the things, Little Pickle : 

*Note : this is an alternate avatar, some appliers, including skin, are lost forever in her inventory because it is not at all organized!

Body : Bad Seed Bebe Body 
Head : *TD* Bento Mesh Head #Alice
Eyes : Muriel. Expressive Eyes
Ears : random.Matter. - Haruhi Ears
Birthmark : [okkbye] bold birthmarks 
Pacifier/Dummy :{WF} Jorie Paci - Pink (Gacha)
Head Bear : <:*BoOgErS*:> Wear-A-Bear Head Brown (Gacha) (not sure if these are available anymore, check marketplace)
Hair : #Foxy - Mai. (Unrigged, for littles)
Scarf : {Little Miss} Scarf
Shirt : {Little Miss}  Muscle Tee
Pocket-Bunny : .Birdy. Pocket pet {Bunny} (Gacha) (not sure if these are available anymore, check marketplace)
Rings : paper Damsels Ella Bento rings 
Sweater : {Little Miss}  Tied Bomber 
Pants : {Little Miss}  Cargo Pants
Shoes : {Little Miss}  Baby Keds

All of the things, Pickle :

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Head : CATWA Magy
Eyelids : L'Etre - Natural mesh eyelids
Skin : Insol: Lona applier  A-Gacha @ Kustom9
Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 
Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa] 
Ears : .:[PUMEC] :.  - / Mesh Ears\ Bohemian 
Hair base : Just Magnetized - Basic Hairbase - set 03 for CATWA
Hair :#Foxy  - Kels.
Necklace : e.marie // Rose Necklace @ The Galleria
Shirt : _CandyDoll_ Yuki Top (Mainstore Release)
Pants : +MB+ Lola Leggings 
Shoes : _CandyDoll_ Yuki Heels (Mainstore Release) 

Sunday, 20 May 2018

Good reputation.

Pose : FOXCITY. Solitude-3
Background & propstuffs : DRD - evening romance
Refuge - Fairytale Mirror Silver
Refuge - Vintage Fur Chair White/Silver

Yesterday we had an erotic story time at Consent. I was a little apprehensive, because I hadn't actually spoken to the lady in world on voice, and my initial thought was "Crap, what if she sounds like she's lost all her teeth, run a marathon and smokes 90 a day?" I know. I'm awful. But in reading erotica, these things are important. Anyway, Shay showed up, and absolutely knocked me off my stool. Not only does she have a stunning voice, but she's clearly educated and her stories weren't run of the mill, "He put it in me and I orgasmed" type stories. There was also a degree of learning as I discovered Walt Whitman was in fact a bit of a literotica writer, so I'm super psyched for the next time she decides to host something!

Leading on from the erotica almost seamlessly, I want to take a moment to address RLD (Red Light District). The newest round opened on the 15th, and while you have probably seen a couple of items available already, I feel it necessary to remind you of all the details you might need to keep up to date with this wonderfully kinky event i'm lucky enough to currently blog for. The website is right >Here<  and you can find everything you need to know about the event included in the easy to peruse site, whether that's the current creators and their products available in this round, applications for designers/bloggers - and there's even a special page dedicated to their bloggers! See if you can find my ever-changing face in the sea of amazingly creative photographers!

Check out all RLD items (And more!) below!

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara
Head : CATWA Magy
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier : LOTUS Heroic Eyes (Gacha) @ Pocket Gacha
Skin : Insol: Lona applier  A-Gacha @ Kustom9
Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 
Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa] 
Ears : .:[PUMEC] :.  - / Mesh Ears\ Bohemian  @ Cosmopolitan
Hair base : Just Magnetized - Basic Hairbase - set 03 for CATWA
Hair & Face Harness : +Spellbound+ Control For Bound Box
Collar : #187# Belong Collar RLD
Tattoo : DAPPA - Jumeirah Tattoo.@ Dubai Event (Open today, 20th May at Midday)
Nipple Leash : ~MR~LeashChain~ RLD
Modesty Guard : *elise* - Isabeau RLD
Foot Straps : .Quirky. Runa Ankle Cuffs RLD

Saturday, 19 May 2018

Wear you out.

Pose : FOXCITY. Steamy-1m (Fatpack exclusive)

Location :  Backdrop City

I seem to be suffering a little from writers block at the moment.
Enjoy some information about things underneath the picture below while I watch all the netflix and wonder what the fudge has happened to my half-working brain-muscle. 

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya 
Head : CATWA Magy
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier : LOTUS : Coffee Eyes @ Gacha Garden
Skin : Insol: Lona applier  A-Gacha @ Kustom9
Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 
Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa] 
Ears : .:[PUMEC] :.  - / Mesh Ears\ Bohemian  @ Cosmopolitan
Hair base : Just Magnetized - Basic Hairbase - set 03 for CATWA
Hair : [RA] Katia Hair 
Tattoo :  DAPPA  - Demons Tattoo. Man Cave
Bodysuit : Clef de Peau.Birgit Bodysuit RLD
Boots : #EMPIRE - Alder @ FaMESHed

Friday, 18 May 2018

Add up what is left.

Pose : Bossie. lisa pose 04

Location : Backdrop City

I often forget that Fifty Linden Fridays is a thing, and then I kick myself, because there are legitimately so many amazing stores offering up products -exclusive or otherwise- for just 50L.
If you're not aware of the group, it's free to join >Here<
This week, Miss Chelsea have put out the skirt shown above in TWO colours for just 50L. There's this "Nude" version, and a baby-pink/blush colour too. 
This skirt is actually one of my very favourite items from Miss Chelsea, and these colours are new, and I -think- exclusive to 50L Friday.. so of course you're going to have my 100% backing of taking advantage of the offer and all the others available today!

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya 
Head : CATWA Magy
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Applier : LOTUS : Coffee Eyes @ Gacha Garden
Skin : Insol: Lona applier  A-Gacha @ Kustom9
Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 
Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa] 
Hair : little bones. Relay
Necklace : (Yummy) Secondhand Necklace 
Top : Asteria "Elle"[Maitreya/Belleza] Top 
Cardigan : [Cynful] Fuzzy Cardigan
Skirt : .miss chelsea. Cloe Skirt Freya Nude For Fifty Linden Fridays
Shoes : **UTOPIA@Design** - "SMILLA" -

Thursday, 17 May 2018

Hit the floor.

Pose altered with animare to the point where it makes no sense, and the background is drawn in photoshop! <3

As soon as I put this outfit on from CandyDoll at Collabor88, I got Charlie's Angels retro vibes.
I used a green-screen background for this, and it's not something I do very often because it just doesn't feel 'real' to me, but in this case, I wanted to do something different. I wish I'd spent a little more time on it, because now I see lots of little pieces of green that I didn't quite get out (shh Pickle, don't draw attention to the faults!)... but I suppose if nothing else, this was a learning curve. I wasn't expecting to be able to draw the background - but they're all basic shapes that I just filled in using the bucket tool once i'd drawn them, so that was okay too!
Anyway, as usual there are details below with all the Landmarks attached. Happy shopping!

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya 
Skin (Head) : Not Found - Piper Skin Toffee (CATWA) @ Cosmopolitan
Skin (Body) : [theSkinnery] Belleza Body Applier (toffee)
Head : CATWA Magy
Eyeshadow : Veechi - She Chic Shadows
Birthmark : [okkbye] bold birthmarks
Hair : #Foxy - Angel Hair 
Romper : _CandyDoll_ Selina Jump @ Collabor88
Nails :~GD~J Star's Ringed(Baddie Claws) 
Rings : (Yummy) Free Spirit Rings @ Collabor88
Boots : _CandyDoll_ Selina Jump @ Collabor88