Thursday, 30 November 2017

Giving all I can.

Pose : *!R.O!* Despacito BENTO Pose 
Location :  Consent (Adult)

I want to talk today about love.
I'm a firm believer that when you go into a relationship with a person, you go in with mostly no idea how that person 'prefers' to be loved. 
I think there are 5 ways you can show a person affection.

1. Words of affirmation.
2. Quality time
3. Receiving/Giving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch.

I actually googled the correct terminology, and this seemed as close as I was gonna get, so we're gonna nod and smile and thank the google gods at this point haha.
Anywho, I'm an anxious little monkey, and whenever I tentatively step into a new relationship, be that romantic or platonic, it takes me a few days to get comfortable with someone's head-space, and then it takes me even longer to really learn about them, and I am highly suggestive to these 5 ways of showing I care.
For me, words of affirmation are difficult. I don't tend to blow smoke up the bottoms of those I care about unless it's a special occasion or I'm feeling especially sappy. For me, while words are lovely and I adore the power of the written word especially, they are just that. Words. I do try to tell people very often how much they mean to me, but i'm not terribly good at it. It makes me more awkward than usual!
Quality time. THIS. I need this. And I need to know when I'm getting it, or when you can't be available to me. I have a massive fear of abandonment, and if you just disappear I will be quite likely to take that badly. There are always exceptions to the rule. In SL if you were to tell me "Hey, so things are going great in RL and I just don't want to be around SL anymore" I'd be fully supportive and tell you I hope I never see you again (In a good way!), but if the reason for your absence is unknown, that's when I start to feel hurt. I fully admit I'm the worst for just needing time for myself though. I might drop away from you for a while because I need the space, and never reconnect because I feel terrible for not being there when I needed to take care of me first.
For me, giving/receiving gifts is a bit odd. It really depends on who it is and what the gift is. I'm all for seeing a gacha and playing it simply because a friend will like it.. but if we're talking something big and fancy, the chances are I'll get uncomfortable again. If I love you, you will get little bits I find that remind me of you. A bloody dolly for my favourite Punk friend, that shirt I wore in a man-Pickle post for a guy friend that I know he will enjoy. I like to make my gifts in RL too, like little jewelry pieces with stones that mean something personal, or birthday cards with private jokes. Not just "Here, I don't want this. You have it." Although sometimes that's appropriate too. I'm almost always awkward when someone makes something/gives me something though! It makes me very emotional!
I feel like the 'acts of service' thing is where I struggle the most. I'm a very giving person with my time, as a natural born people pleaser I have a hard time saying "NO" when someone asks me for my time. For me, the gift of your time is the most important. I don't care if that means we sit and eat Pizza together while talking about our bad days, or if it means I'm popping over to landscape your land, lend you that chair from my inventory, or show you how to do that one thing I know how to do in photoshop. I like being a go-to, and it's taken me a while to accept that sometimes other people like to do things for me, too... I will always be fairly independent, but I am learning to take a back-seat sometimes as well.. I'm just stubborn about that!
Physical touch within SL is obviously the most difficult. In RL I'm a tactile person, but hugging is awkward! I'll probably smack you around a bit if I like you as though I was a 5 year old schoolgirl with her first crush. "Ew, you smell funny!"
In a romantic relationship I like holding hands and uh.. without sounding creepy or pervy, stroking! Haha. I will stroke your hair, your leg, your hand...Public displays of affection again make me cringe, I'm a private person, damnit!
In SL terms this translates to cuddling/dancing I suppose. I don't want to go down the obvious route of "Hey bb, lets prim!" but I guess that's a thing too. Just seeing my avatar with the person I care about is enough for me. I also really like those clingy huds, they're fun for friends & romantic partners!

Welp, I've gone on forever and didn't know when to stop again lol. That's what I like.. I'm sure many of you are very different and have other ways of showing your love & affection. I just have to keep remembering that there are many ways you can do it, and just because I show my love through giving my time eagerly, other people might need more cuddles or more verbal support. Ultimately, we all crave feeling accepted, and I can only hope we give each other the patience to find out how we can accept people's quirks while giving and receiving the things we need as humans too.

All of the things :

Body & Feet : Body: -Belleza- Freya 
Skin : ItGirls - Catwa Skin Applier - Lore Pale
Head : CATWA Lona
Freckles/Moles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks 
Eyebrows : Bossie.  alice eyebrows
Eyelids : Slink Mesh eyelids (No longer available in store, but if you ask really nicely in a note, you MIGHT get them from slink customer service like I did on an alt *coughs*)
Hair : Tableau Vivant \\ Karen @ Kinky Event
Flower Headpiece : *LODE* Head Accessory - Vanessa Wreath [cereus garden] RARE (Gacha)
Collar : *BOOM* Ebba Collar/Choker (Previously @ ROMP)
Tattoo : DAPPA - Yeux Tattoo. Kinky Event
Nails : +Spellbound+ Spooky Salon // Sugar High (Gacha)
Rings : **RE** Luxy Rings Set
Panties : Tres Blah - Collette Lingerie - Romance 

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