Monday, 20 August 2018

Can't be contained.

Pose (Edited slightly) : #5 <K&S> Him & I. pose 3 (Gacha)

I'm really not in a very good place today. I'm okay. I'm just sad.
I've always had trouble making and maintaining friendships. A lot of that is due to my being a hard-headed, stubborn and opinionated Pickle, and I know I'm not for everyone... but it makes me crazy when I step back and actually figure out that a lot of the problem is that I'm just incapable of accepting people as-is, rather than looking at them in terms of potential.
Yesterday, I spoke to a woman who reminded me of a very toxic person who was in my life for 2-3 years on and off. She kind of reamed him a new asshole, but the only thing I could think of was how sad I was that I couldn't make him a better man. Trust me - he was horrible. He manipulated me on more than one occasion by pretending to be someone else, cheated on me and told me on Christmas, made me wait for him for 6 hrs on my birthday and was generally just a butthead... but there was a part of me that wanted so desperately to make him good, to have him understand that people need kindness, and I thought that by accepting him, flaws and all, I would be able to do that. I was wrong.
I know this makes me sound like a martyr, but there's been many times where I have pushed the 'right' people away because of a bad situation I was in.. I'm not perfect in the slightest.
I just feel like right now, I've gotten to the point where my little bubble is shrinking rapidly. and as much as I would love to allow every single human into it, I'm incapable. I've become more difficult to please, and while this might seem like a good thing, that i'm picking people who fit me and MY needs right now to stay, it also makes me feel incredibly sad because it's like a part of me wants to give the whole world the benefit of the doubt, and because I'm me, I can't.
Again, not sure where this is going. I suppose I'm just venting, rather than hoping any of this makes sense.

All of the things, Durex :

Skin : Go&See * Summer * Theo 
Head :  CATWA HEAD Skrell
Eyes : Go&See * Ares * Eyes (Catwa, Genus & Mesh versions) @ Men Only Monthly
Beard & Scar : IDTTY Faces - Sharp Beard [CUT]
Hair : taketomi - Kris 

All of the things :

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya
Skin : Go&See * Nadia * Tan @ Shiny Shabby (Available for catwa, genus & omega!)
Head :  CATWA HEAD Magy
Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 
Eye Appliers : LOTUS. Intense Eyes @ Access Event
Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 2018
Earrings : :: SAGA :: BOHO Leaf Earrings @ Kustom9
Hair : #Foxy - Romee Hair @ Collabor88
Tattoo : DAPPA - Matilda Tattoo. @ Equal10
Rings : (Yummy) Free Spirit Rings 
Panties : Blueberry - Tinker Set - Panties 

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